That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
