We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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