from now on my penis is your penis
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
