fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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