I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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