Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
