shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
