So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
