I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
