They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
