Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
