last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
