you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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