i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
