I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Randomize