tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
