he puts the penis in happiness.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
