I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
