I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I haven't been this sober since birth.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
