Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
