If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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