Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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