He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize