So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
