So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize