We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
