She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Did I show you my penis last night?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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