There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Randomize
