I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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