They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
