I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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