ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize