i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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