Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
