Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
