JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
