Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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