I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Randomize
