He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
please don't ironically join a cult
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