his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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