i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
