I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
