how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
no you cant smoke seaweed
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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