you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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