Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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