Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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