this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
