i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize