I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Be still, my beating vagina.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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