White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
We were destined to go to rehab together
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
