the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize