If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
