Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
