I'm so fucking centered right now
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Someone shit on the floor
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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