What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
