I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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