I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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