Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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