By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
