I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
