You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
