evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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