There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize