Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize