I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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