it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
