went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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