she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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