I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
i think i just lost a toe
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
