At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
as a side note pls kill me
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
