Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
