Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
