I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
