I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize