I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
