my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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