How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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