Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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