I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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