please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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