Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
