Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
